Love Yourself

Love cannot be found in erudition and science, books and pages. Whatever is discussed by people, that is not the way of lovers. Whatever you have said or hear is the shell. The kernel of Love is a mystery that cannot be divulged.



Why Romantic Love Seems Destined For Failure?

On our day an age we are no wiser that our forefathers were, in fact we seem to fall in to folly easier!

We spoke before about Romantic Love on April 2015 here we go back to it adding unsaid things about Love. For those of you who never read it maybe it will be useful to do it, since I prefer not to repeat saying the same things already treated on another post, but briefly I would say our notions of romantic love, and expectations for most of us in our predominant Western culture are totally out of whack with reality, feed by the media, movies, TV, romantic novels, and crass commercialism, hey it’s not a secret, Love sells! We celebrate it on every occasion, Valentines, super expensive weddings, jewelry, gift cards, flowers, chocolate, cakes, and any other present made in the name of love, from diners, movies, cars, houses, diamonds, serenades, dances, vacations, clothes, makeup, hairdos, you want to look good, and any conceivable expenditure made on the name of love too many to exhaust easily, weddings are also the foundation of a multi-billion dollar industry rife with questionable traditions and irrational expenses.


Our youth of course it’s the primary target for buying the idealization of love so when they marry can’t be strangers to the idea of throwing the house through the window, and in fact most parents paid for these weddings which tell you how even if the parents are already divorced themselves, still marrying your daughter or son becomes a matter of prestige, to expend extravagantly on a wedding.

With all these high expectations for happiness out of romantic love no wonder the letdown of failing to fulfill that happiness is anything but brutal.

If you look at the history of weddings only the nobility would celebrate sumptuous weddings, kings and princes would celebrate weddings, the rest of the people would have if lucky a blessing by a priest of their religion, before going back to milk the cow, or cook the daily meal. My point if you notice, is that a lavish wedding celebration now days is trying to mimic a fairy tale dream of kings and princesses, living happy ever after. What sort of model is that for realistic expectations for your average couple struggling to make a living?


But being the juicy business it is do not expect a change of values, since it is business who fuel the romantic notions of what love should be, my only advice if you want to be a fool for love, is hold on to your wallet, and get rid of fairy tales expectations about love, it is not real!

Love to begin with it is not infatuation, I will not try to define love, there is many degrees of love, but it’s not illusion, to care dearly for a woman, or a man is fine, to expect things to be a fairy tale, well that is a whole different story.

Fairy tales we tell children, hopefully with a moral story to help them to implant good values on them, but for adults to enact these fantasies, at a great price no doubt, tell us the children in us is well and alive, nothing wrong with it you may think, but it will be unwise not to realize there lays an Archetype dream, and that to try to become that Archetype it is not a good idea, since we always be short in fulfilling dreams.

Fairy tale wedding

Archetypes are innate universal pre-conscious psychic dispositions that form the substrate from which the basic themes of human life emerge. The archetypes are components of the collective unconscious and serve to organize, direct and inform human thought and behavior. Archetypes hold control of the human life cycle.

As we mature the archetypal plan unfolds through a programmed sequence which Jung called the stages of life. Each stage of life is mediated through a new set of archetypal imperatives which seek fulfillment in action. These may include being parented, initiation, courtship, marriage and preparation for death.

Hindsight is 20/20 we like to say, as we live the experience we learn from it, but of course it’s too late to change anything, at least for some if not everybody, old age brings maturity and set illusions to rest, and we can see the folly of our past actions, and too understand our dreams, and expectations were too big, and that romantic love was frail with all sorts of illusions that not correspond to our imperfect world of painful realities.

In India the Sanatana Dharma followers call this Maya; Illusion sometimes Β translated as the world to be an illusion, it is more subtle than that, more like not seeing truthfully things as they are.

Maha Maya






As a child remember in myΒ Catechism classes the rule that only God you could adore, and worship, humans and other things you could love, but adoring them and worshiping them was tantamount to idolatry. I guess that was my first hint that you have to take romantic love with a grain of salt, and not to make idols with clay feet. Not that it made me any good later, but we will not get in to that, since either yourself went through it, or you will likely find out on your own!

Relationships they are never perfect, more likely something we have to cope with it, a noble enterprise if you wish, marriage is a such a quandary state of living, as a friend of mine liked to quote her mother: “Marriage is the art of reaching a committed agreement, where the force of habit triumphs over hate.”

Not very romantic, but pretty good advice to any sensible, but full of illusion person wishing to get marry. So do not go overboard with romantic illusions, be practical keep your feet on solid ground, realize marriage it’s not a joy ride, more like a tough endurance race, that you bear with, for love.

And no, this is not a final word about love, Love is inexhaustible doesn’t it? So there will be more of it on future posts.

Simple Wedding

About theburningheart

This entry was posted in Archetypes, Capitalism, Crisis of Values, Critical Thinking, Cultural Attitudes, Cynicism, Disillusion with Capitalism, Love, Love Illusions, Marriage, Maya, Romance, Uncategorized, Weddings and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.


  1. sherazade says:

    Bellissimo argomento molto ben spiegato
    Grazie !

  2. Dreams'Espe says:

    I want to, I need to believe in a real romantic love outside of al what is related to money, I dream with real love.

    • theburningheart says:

      Of course you do, and for that matter everybody else, who would take knowingly a fake coin instead of real gold?
      Love, come after Truth the highest virtue, and no one like to be taken, or lied, but unfortunately we want true love so much, that it’s very easy for us to pay a heavy price for its fulfillment, and could be easily swindled, and that is the point of my post, love, but have your eyes wide open. .
      Thank you for commenting! πŸ™‚

  3. I consider myself very lucky, because I have fallen in love with my husband 45 years ago and this romantic love has developed into a truthful love, where good and bad moments are shared. Thank you very much for your most helpful post. Have a good time. Martina

    • theburningheart says:

      I am glad to hear you love doves been together for such a long time, I am sure you guys have more good times than bad ones, I can see that on your travels!
      Thank you for your comment Martina, it’s always nice to hear from you. πŸ™‚

  4. BroadBlogs says:

    Very good advice!

  5. Love that starts romantically can, with care, develop into a spiritual love, and with more care, into agape. Lovely post.

  6. DG MARYOGA says:

    I so much liked your perspective to love,you have looked at it from every angle possible.No man can live a peaceful life without loving,without being loved. πŸ™‚

  7. Marsha says:

    Perfect advice. Romantic love IS exciting, and sometimes it can coexist with real life, but it IS a struggle. Your article tells why. I love stories, and once fell love with a man who seem to promise those kinds of endings. Fortunately, the man I married has been in it for the long haul, even when the going got tough, and it has from time to time. Your pictures are great, too. Thanks for following my blog. πŸ™‚

    • theburningheart says:

      The fact it’s, love is a hard, never ending task, any old couple can tell you that, romance it’s just the beginning of it, but love can survive when romance is long gone out the door, and that is the challenge, to keep love going, remember bringing back romance it is an attitude, not a feeling, and that requires a will.
      Thank you for your comment, I like it, and is appreciated! :-).

  8. Mr Modigliani says:

    I am fascinated and find much truth in your words. I look forward to reading more

  9. lisakunk says:

    Very interesting post. Thanks for stopping by and liking posts on my blog. I look forward to reading more of yours.

  10. So true. The person you marry at 23 can be a totally different person, twenty, thirty years later. You are a different person too. Marriage in the short and the long haul is darn hard. The middle years tend to be the easiest! Perhaps there will be a golden age after 50 years if we get there! Unless we kick the bucket or strangle each other before then.

    • theburningheart says:

      Yes,marriage has been idealized by the cult of romance for a good reason, it makes money to too many people! And I guess the family it’s the primordial cell of society and the creator of future generations, but as to why we go along promoting, and abetting this sugar coated children’s version of marriage, instead of a realistic education for the young, well the cynic in me tells me is good business, I wonder how many parents, ever have a serious talk with their children about these issues? Or it’s the family life good, or bad the only way children learn what to expect about it?
      Thank you for your insight Marie is truthful, honest, and we appreciate it! πŸ™‚

  11. ANM7 says:

    Yes, so true. Expansively gone over. Well done.
    People don’t want to see that our inclination, frailty is disposed to be contracted as real love, yet it is but romantic love, idyllic. And that it is from the ground up with good reason. Our flaw within, our lack (The Life of God, and therefore true Love) is what attempts to erect The Absented Value, we counter it with Our advanced forth example of love, but it is fraudulent. Pride keeps us purveying it, in denial. There’s more but I will not write a post in your comments (likely a minuscule one, this….). Thanks for such a wise post.

    • theburningheart says:

      Yes, I pretty much agree at the bottom of it, there is an Ontological problem, our lack of real Existence in God, and that’s why I mention to God we worship anything else is idolatry, and to worship idols, well those gods posses clay feet, and there is a heavy price to pay for it.
      For Real Love you got to look for the source of it, not at illusions.
      Thank you for your comment! πŸ™‚

  12. ekurie says:

    I learned in short order from a bad marriage with a (now ex) husband who did not love me that to whatever degree each has capacity for love, and to the degree that each is willing to give to the other will determine success or failure of the friendship/courtship/marriage. Love does not just ❀️ happen and one cannot create or share it for the other. Thanks, too for reading my blog!

    • theburningheart says:

      “It takes two to tango” We like to say, and those who bet at sport games when you ask them how was the game they would say great, or terrible according to their wining or losing. Some people will add marriage it’s not for everybody, the reasons for failure in marriage can be countless, and to love it’s hard work for everybody involved, and as you found yourself one sided love was not enough.
      Thank you for sharing your experience,your comment it’s appreciated! πŸ™‚

  13. sherazade says:

    Nella nuova societΓ  i sentimenti e le relazioni interpersonali vengono analizzati in tutti i loro aspetti e reazioni da Zygmunt Bauman nulla Γ¨ piΓΉ concreto e stabile ma ‘liquido’!
    Ed io penso abbia ragione!
    Ciao da Roma!

    • theburningheart says:

      SΓ¬, in passato hai avuto un buon o un cattivo matrimonio, ora abbiamo il divorzio, da dove veniamo ci piace dire non c’Γ¨ male che dura un centinaio di anni. SΓ¬, oggi giorno le cose sono in continua evoluzione cosΓ¬ allo stato “liquido” delle relazioni.
      Grazie Sherazade! πŸ™‚

  14. theburningheart says:

    Grazie cara!πŸ˜ƒβ€

  15. Married to the same woman since 1977, what do you think about “Catharism”
    …? !!!

    • theburningheart says:

      Very nice, I got a friend who has been married to the same woman since 1958!
      His comment is that if his wife die before he does, he is gone get marry again!

      About the Pure ones, maybe I will write an article about them, I know there is people now days who are Cathars, are you one?

      Thank you fro your comment Laurent! πŸ™‚

  16. smilecalm says:

    i’ve been on
    that bart platform!
    the perfect place
    for a wedding πŸ™‚

  17. dot23x says:

    Hi Brigido, I stumbled upon your post about Romance by accident; it seems so strangely relevant to my situation right now. I’ve just broken up with someone I felt I Loved so strongly; yet the feeling wasn’t mutual. It felt like this Love of mine was so powerful it would convert her to my cause; that if she could only Feel the Love I had in my heart for her, it would spark Love in her. Certainly she began to use the word with me, to say she loved me, but when I asked her to Marry me, at Solstice, everything fell apart & we are only just back on speaking terms now, almost 2 months later. The rejection filled me with bitterness, resentment & anger; that this feeling, Love, could turn from something that felt so precious to emotions that lead me to contemplate destroying myself. What is the point of this emotion, this needy, self-sacrificing, reality-bending urge to make another person the centre of your universe? It could be explained away; hormones, insecurity, evolution – but at the time, it feels like it is a sliver of the Godhead; a divine gift. When snatched away, a living Hell. I long for Love, or even just little L love, but it seems I always am either ‘infatuated’ with someone, or they with me, and never mutually. What’s wrong with me!? And the Punchline… my beautiful lost Love is called Maya!

    • theburningheart says:

      Well, well Mr. dot23x welcome to Shiva’s wisdom, the destroyer of illusion.
      I ignore your age, but figure you have arrive to Dante’s famous first line of the Divine Comedy Inferno:
      “Midway upon the journey of our life I found myself within a forest dark,
      For the straightforward pathway had been lost.
      Ah me! how hard a thing it is to say
      What was this forest savage, rough, and stern,
      Which in the very thought renews the fear..”

      Now the good news, you have hit bottom ,and are in a place where there is no way out but up!
      It’s a wonderful opportunity for you to assimilate your lesson and move on with your life, transform your bitterns in to Sacred Soma and taste it’s sweetness.
      For that it’s necessary from you to triumph over the lower nature of your ego, and to force yourself in to a positive attitude of forgiveness, and love without attachment, to overcome that: “bitterness, resentment & anger” Until despite of your lower emotions, nothing remain but the pure love, that illusion (Maya) provided, if briefly, and turn it from Eros, to Agape.

      And that is what Real Alchemy it’s all about!
      Don’t miss the chance, otherwise you will go deeper in to that dark forest of the Soul.

      Don’t want for you to think I am using this opportunity to promote my blog, however believe you will benefit of reading some of my other posts, please feel free to browse my blog, you will find plenty of stuff it may help you on your quest, and healing.

      Deep down there is no chance, everything has a reason, the fact you find by serendipity my article, and how it applies to you, and that you decided to tell me your story, and your ex name is Maya, it’s all meaningful…

      Thank you for visiting us, be in touch! πŸ™‚

  18. masha says:

    Great post really enjoyed reading it and you match the photos so well. Thank you.

  19. Maria F. says:

    Extremely interesting, your analysis on marriage, one of the most challenging aspects in one’s life.

  20. umesh kaul says:

    A powerful subject taken up and well expressed. ‘LOVE’ is hard to explain and express. Nice try Marje!

  21. natuurfreak says:

    Thank you for de good advice

  22. kethuprofumo says:

    Dear Mr. Bridigo Anaya,

    it’s a brilliant post. I will share it with my friends, girls who still believe in the market love. My favourite writer Milorad Pavic used to say: ‘What in October seems to be March is only January.’ I guess this statement covers fully the idea of the market marriage, for the true marriage is a very sacred thing and it happens on heavens, but not on earth and doesn’t depend on price.

    Best regards,

    • theburningheart says:

      I am glad you like it, and appreciate the fact you will share it with friends.

      It’s funny there seems to be a synchronicity of sorts recently I read Dmitry Lvovich Bykov: Chronicles immediate War translated in English as Living Souls, and learned about the Khazars, curious about it run into Milorad Pavic: Dictionry of the Khazars, and considered buying it, maybe now helped by your quote I will just do that! πŸ™‚

      • kethuprofumo says:

        Indeed, the Universe fulfills our wishes: I’m a big Pavic’s lover. While studying at university, I wrote some small works on him and even sent him some letters. So, don’t hesitate to ask me about Milorad’s works. One of the goals in my life is to make the world familiar with him. The Dictionary of Khazars is a true masterpiece. There are two versions: male & female. Both of them contain a lot of riddles, for Pavic was like that.
        Best regards,


      • kethuprofumo says:

        Dear Mr. Bridigo Anaya,
        Among Milorad Pavic’s works there is a novel translated into English as ‘Landscape painted with tea’. I do recommend it to You for this book changes the perception of being. Writer himself told me that he visited the places described in the book. They say Milorad wrote it for his son Ivan. In any case the book is very profound and indeed personal. I consider that if you want to get Pavic’s essence it is the key.
        PS. Milorad is a cunny writer. Some his books open their secrets only after the second of the third reading.

        Best regards,


      • theburningheart says:

        I just got yesterday on the mail Pavic’s Dictionary of the Khazars, but I am on the middle of a couple of books, I will start reading him as soon as I am finish with those, thank you for your recommendation Maria, look forward to read him. πŸ™‚

  23. Aks Thariani says:

    This is a pretty insightful post! Loved reading these thoughts of yours!!

  24. Having fun exploring your blog, quite interesting and satisying, thank you. πŸ™‚

  25. A wonderful write… interesting thoughts on love! Thank you for stopping by, much appreciated. Kind regards. πŸ™‚

  26. Debbie says:

    Hello every one, here every one is sharing such know-how, so it’s pleasant to read this webpage, and I used to pay a quick
    visit this webpage everyday.

  27. Anita Bacha says:

    I enjoy reading you and look forward to read more on ‘romantic love ‘

  28. Lots of things to think about after reading this well-written post.
    .When I was young I was loved a lot. The door was decorated all in roses, and I was angry when mom told me to wake up and go look at this, it was around 7 am. I knew who had been working this hard, but I never loved him back. I always felt kind of uncomfortable when somebody was really going for big lengths to show their feelings. It is tough. However, from all the man I could have chosen I chose the very worst one at that time. I was exactly being way too romantic, way too consumed with how somebody looks. I finally got married for the third time and that happened when I did not want to even think about that.
    Life is funny, and I learned along the way that we cannot change any person, we should only build relationships based on what there is and not hoping to turn flaws into good habits. I’d never ever again believe somebody who loves boozing too much, we tend to to believe: it is going to pass. It isn’t.
    The heart is sort of silly, it does not want to take warnings seriously. I did not listen to my parents, and my daughter also in her first marriage did not listen to me. Mine first and second, and her first: these were disasters with long-term damage.

    • theburningheart says:

      Yes, and one of my points on the post, is for young people to wake up, and be alert to the reality, of relationships, and do not buy the sugar coated version we are bombarded constantly in our media, movies, novels, etc.
      Sometimes wonder if to be young, and naive, it’s just a way for Nature to achieve a continuation of the species?
      A complex issue no doubt.

      Thank you Inese, for your great comment, it’s always appreciated. πŸ™‚

  29. Pingback: LOVE IS REAL, ILLUSIONS ARE NOT β€” Kone, Krusos, Kronos – aprΓ¨s-pensΓ©es

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